Like A Goth To A Flame

Today I met Singapore's only Goth.

At least I believe this species to be in the singular but I may be mistaken. His callow expression as he descended the concrete steps into Centrepoint's basement level was offset by a delicate touch of mascara smudged around each eye. He displayed enough steel body piercings to make him a danger in the proximity of any sizeable magnetic field.

Slouching past me, he was quite oblivious to the contralto pleading of the young lady opposite as she attempted to sell Bread Talk's latest yeast creation.

Bread Talk is an interesting phenomenon that has spawned many copycat franchises. Each tries to outdo the other with an increasingly bizarre concoctions for fillings. Not content with a mere sausage in a roll, the bakeries now produce buns with encapsulated local delicacies. Most famous are the chicken or pork floss varieties. The same company has also successfully franchised kaya toast.

Kaya is a very rich spread which contains (amongst other ingredients) duck egg, coconut milk and pandan leaf flavouring. Its green colour should not signal 'Go' but rather 'Stop' and think of the calories.

Today Orchard Road was very crowded as it was the last day to buy big ticket items before the additional 2% rise in GST, which comes into force tomorrow.

No doubt my friendly neighbourhood Goth was stocking up on his stainless steel finery before the price rise.

Einstein's Folly

I was never 'Good at Physics' in fact I would go so far as to say that my results in this subject were less than marginal.

However, I have a great admiration for scientific genius an in particular Albert Einstein, the theoretical physicist. His theory of relativity is well known but I cannot help but wonder what his output might have been had he lived in modern Singapore.

I suspect that he too would have observed the social mores of Singaporeans, such as their propensity to hog the footpath and not budge an inch, even when faced with oncoming pedestrian traffic.

Indeed, a whole new branch of physics might have eventuated - Social Physics - and I am not referring to a modern definition of this terminology which deals with an individual's digital identity.

The 'Great Thinker's' new branch of Social Physics who have spawned many new equations. For example:

1S=TF (One Singaporean equals the total footpath)

This core equation could then be further expanded upon:

1SA+S=TF X2 (One Singaporean 'Aunty' plus her shopping takes up double the total footpath space)

and

1SA+S+M=D (One Singaporean 'Aunty' plus shopping plus her maid equals disaster - for opposing traffic)

You may well ask on what are these observations based. To which I would answer, on personal experience.

There is clearly not the same sense of personal space in public places as there is in the West. Europeans tend to fall in behind one another in the face of oncoming pavement traffic. Not so Singaporeans, although they are profusely apologetic if ever shoulder contact is inadvertently made.

There is possibly another good reason for this behaviour as we Ang Mo tend to occupy more space than our Asian counterparts in the first place, especially if one has lived here a few months and put on extra girth thanks to all of the great cuisine!

This leads me to summise on final equation of which the "Great Thinker" would have been proud:

1AM X 2G=3S+TP
(one Ang Mo with twice the girth equals three Singaporeans occupying an entire footpath)