Say Cheese

There are many great mysteries in the world one of them being why London hotels, unlike their counterparts everywhere else in the world, do not provide a facecloth?

It is 6:15 on a money morning and my body clock has still not adjusted to the UK time zone after my 16 hours of flights from Singapore, Saturday evening and Sunday. I awoke at 3 am and dozed fitfully until 5:30.

The trip on Lufthansa from Singapore was interesting. The ability to sleep reclining on a business class seat made a lot of difference. The chef's fare had all of the classic German trimmings. I passed on the calf's cheek in brwon sauce and had a light meal instead.

We arrived in Munich ahead of time and I had a couple of hours to wait. It was here that I made another discovery.

The Lufthansa Lounge provided a nice breakfast of excellent breads and fresh fruit. I chose the latter - a large bowl of sliced and diced fruit. The adjacent bowl of thick yoghurt also looked inviting so several dollops of this were added on top.

Having found a table and had a mouthful of coffee, I turned to the fruit. My first mouthful told me that I had made a frightful mistake. The 'yoghurt' was in fact a cheese sauce which the Germans spread on their thick slices of black bread. Needless to say a fresh bowl of fruit was called for.

Back in the transit lounge I studied my travel companions-to-be. Sitting directly across from me was a buxom, bottle blonde fraulein reading her teenage fashion magazine. To her left was a dishevelled Britain. He and his luggage had a distinctly rumpled look. I am being charitable, as his suitcase was in fact filthy and, as it so proved, he had habits to match.

He had a partially eaten bag of sunflower seeds in his backpack which he withdrew from the depths of his dirty linen that were in the same bag. The bag had burst and so he spent the next ten minutes fossicking and digesting the spilt seeds that he rescued from the lining. Having completed this exercise he opened his small suitcase which revealed even more dirty washing.

We arrived at Heathrow a quarter of an hour earlier than scheduled which the pilot proudly proclaimed through the intercom. This impressed the Heathrow staff not a jot. Despite several calls from the cockpit no steps nor transport appeared on the apron. We had to wait for 15 minutes more in the aircraft cabin until Heathrow ground staff honoured us with their presence.

Welcome to London; they have a lot to learn from Changi airport.