Haze Breakthrough Unlikely

Haze: Breakthrough in map sharing efforts with Indonesia unlikely - Today Online

Lazy, Hazy, Days in Singapore

Lianhe Zaobao readers were asked to sum up 2013 in a Chinese character.  According to reports, "Haze" was the winner; no surprises there!

So in honour of this revelation, here's a new T-Shirt design.

Get yours here

Faecal Facials & False Rumours

Shizuka Bernstein gives what she calls a Geisha Facial - AP

It's winter in New Zealand and at this time of year the thrushes and blackbirds are showing increasing signs of desperation as they root amongst the litter debris and bark for grubs and other tasty morsels.

While I can understand their need I don't appreciate the spread of bird droppings that greets me each time I open our front door.  Let's face it, our avian companions are far from being toilet trained and in the winter months leave their calling card with gay abandon.

One would think that this would be the end of the matter (pun intended), but apparently not.  There are cultures where the bird droppings are harvested and put to the strangest of uses.  While bird guano from islands such as Nauru has long been a source of agricultural fertiliser, the idea of smearing the stuff on one's face could only have been dreamed up by the Japanese.

Clients in the Shizuka New York beauty spa are paying $US 230 a time to have a 'Geisha facial', which consists of a paste of Asian nightingale excrement mixed with rice bran, liberally applied to the visage of the gullible.

Meanwhile in Singapore it is smearing of a different nature that is occupying the minds of government. Defence Minister Ng Eng Hen is reported in the Straits Times as saying that "Online misinformation, rumours and smears are a 'threat' to Total Defence".

Misinformation is always one of the weapons of war and the ongoing claims and counter-claims from the Egyptian and Syrian conflicts are current examples of this reality.

However one has to wonder at the timing of this statement, coming as it does hard on the heels of the recent regulation of online media in the republic.  

I have always believed that there is an inherent truth in the old saying "Stick and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me".  Are we right to assume that the Minister is not inferring that any online criticism of Singapore and its policies be deemed a threat to national security?

Readers of this blog will know that I am a strong supporter of Singapore and its governance.  One would hope that Ng Eng Hen's words are related to crisis management situations rather than a open ended generic statement - I suspect they are.

The article goes on to point out how Singaporeans pulled together both online and offline to combat the recent haze situation.  The understandable rage expressed in social media about the arrogance of Indonesian plantation owners and farmers was understandable.  

The venting of such frustrations in this manner is therapeutic and much more cost-effective than a Geisha facial.  Although in the case of the haze it was the Indonesian government who ended up with the stuff on their face.

Related articles

• Dropping $180 for bird poop facials at NYC spa

Google's Singapore Haze Map

This map map from Google shows Singapore and Malaysia air quality in near real-time.  The original site can be found here.

Introducing The Hello Haze Doll

Consumers line up to get their paws on a Hello Kitty character toy in a skeleton outfit. Source: AFP-JIJI

I am always slightly bemused by the Singaporean passion for the latest craze.  Whether it be the latest mobile device or a range of doughnuts, people will queue for hours just get their hands on the merchandise.

So it is now with a faceless stuffed toy taking their fancy.  I am referring to the ubiquitous and asexual Hello Kitty stuffed toy which McDonalds is selling along with its flaccid burgers.  Apparently these dolls are themed around fairy tales; so even the creative context of the toys comes from other sources.  An excellent example of marketing hype over substance.

Reuters reports that is a black Hello Kitty with a white skeleton and pink bow, based on a German tale called the "Singing Bone" that everyone one in line is fighting over.  Hundreds lined up for the midnight launch and before stocks ran out the police were called in to maintain law and order.

Not everyone succeeded in their quest to get their hands on the hello Kitty toy. McDonald's Facebook page recorded their frustrations.  One grandfather had hoped to get one for his young granddaughter but failed to do so.

"I am one unhappy grandfather! I had deliberately taken public transport in the haze to buy the 'Ugly Duckling'," he wrote, referring to hazardous levels of smog from Indonesian forest fires that recently wreathed Singapore before scattering.

"I tried 3 outlets without success."

While this speaks volumes of the devotion of a grandparent, why anyone would risk permanent lung damage for the sake of a plush toy  is beyond me.

Surely Singaporean toy manufacturers can come up with a local competitor that is more appropriate? I have in mind the 'Hello Haze Doll" based on Indonesian fairy tales of regional cooperation.

Just think of the toy accessories: the miniature face mask, the plastic portable respirator, a small phrase book of bahasa Indonesia excuses -  the list of possibilities is endless.

Maybe readers can suggest the names for these dolls?  Let me start the ball rolling.

First off the assembly line would be the "Wheezing Wilma" doll, a consumptive toy with a mechanical mechanism that emits a repetitive coughing sound.

Send me your ideas for this unique range of plush toys - I think we are on to a winner!

The Haze Poem

The Haze Poem

I amazed at the haze
and the ignorant bliss
of farmers who burn
as if nothings amiss

As I stand in the mall
looking out at the smog
there's just me and my mask
and a passing stray dog

Think I'll invent a huge solar powered fan
Sumatran focus in mind
Send it back if we can
Taste your own medicine
is my cunning plan

Roger Smith, 2013

• Hazed and confused

Hazy Images & Leaf Masks

These images were sent to me by a friend in Singapore.  His office is in a heritage building with windows that are not airtight, so the space is trapping the effects of the current haze pollution.

Photo Credit: Professor Graeme Britton

On Friday June 21st, the PSI reading reached 401 which is  life threatening

Sometimes adversity brings out the best in people.  Twitter has been trending #mustbethehaze, with some original tweets (should that be excuses?)

And a tweeter with the nom de plume @TakeMyHandNFly posted this image, taken from the local Singapore news. I think it shows great innovation.

A new style in anti-haze mask!  Looks like a strip of banana leaf (?) and I'm not sure of its effectiveness

Related articles

• Haze in Singapore...

Polar Blasts and Hazy Recollections

Shoppers cover their mouths while out along Orchard Road, in Singapore.
Photo: Mark Cheong / The Straits Times

It's six in the morning and as I write a polar southerly is rattling the windows with hail and rain announcing the dawn.  The only thing in favour of this climatic reality is that the air is fresh; too fresh for the farmers in New Zealand's South island who are waist deep in snow trying to protect their livestock.

What a contrast with the choking stillness of the Indonesian haze that is enveloping Singapore in a caustic blanket.

I remember clearly my first experience of this  haze and wrote about it back in 2007 and in subsequent posts.  The thing that angered me then and angers me still, is the total disregard Indonesia has for its neighbours when it come to air pollution of this sort.

Singapore's NEA Regional Haze Map

Currently the Haze being experienced by my Singaporean friends is at record levels - PSI 250 at 11 pm last night which virtually guarantees respiratory problems for anyone who inhales it. Early in the day, at 1 pm, it had reached a record-high level of 371, beating the previous 1997 record of 226.

Air becomes "hazardous" when the PSI breaches 300 but believe me as one who has experienced it, it is very unpleasant to live and work in at much lower levels.

The Strait's Times reports that a senior Indonesian minister has hit out at Singapore on the haze, saying: "Singapore shouldn't be like children, in such a tizzy."  I note that this same Minister, one Agung Laksono,  is pictured in his air-conditioned office far away from any pollution (if you discount Jakarta's traffic).

Singapore's  Ministry of Health (MOH) having been doing what they can, closing schools and issuing N95 face masks and urging the population not to stockpile so there are enough to go around.

Out of the mouths of babes
A seven year old American child who is visiting her grandparents in Singapore is so upset that she cannot go outside to play that she wrote to the US President Barack Obama, asking him to tell his "good friend the President of Indonesia to stop burning the forest".

Sumatra Hotspots that generate the haze - Meteorological Service Singapore

What is particularly galling about this is that Indonesia does virtually nothing to curb this annual problem, despite taking money from the Singaporean government in the past to alleviate the situation and educate their farmers and those illegally clearing the land for oil palm plantations, using fire.

There is little the Singapore population and its government can do if its larger neighbour continues to behave in such a cavalier fashion. It is a small comfort to know that there is now a special subsidy scheme in place for Singaporeans who are suffering from respiratory problems or conjunctivitis because of the haze.

They can see their GP and only pay $10 with the Ministry of Health picking up the the rest of the bill. Meanwhile flight sin and out of Changi are disrupted, constructions sites and school closed down and even McDonalds has suspended its fast food delivery service.

My suggestion, stop sending money to Indonesia from support schemes that are clearly failing. Instead tally up the total cost of this economic impact due to the Sumatran haze and send the bill to the Indonesia through a world court.  See if that prompts their cooperation.

Stop Press: Haze PSI hits 401 at mnidday today!

Related articles

• Indonesia Says Singapore 'Behaving Like a Child' Over Haze
• Singapore PM Says Haze from Indonesia Fires May Last for Weeks
• Indonesian Minister's Arrogance on Display

Song Birds, Spring and Haze

Tui
Roger Smith - August 2012

In recent days the Tui (a native New Zealand song bird) have been flying around the gum trees as they enjoy the first signs of Spring.  I see them as I walk the nearby tracks around Botany where I live. The air is clean, plums are blossoming and there are signs of renewal everywhere.

By comparison, the air in Singapore is once again predicted polluted by the seasonal haze; a recurring problem created by the thoughtless actions of Singapore's neighbours as they burn off large areas of jungle for oil palm plantations and farming.

The likelihood of a El Nino weather pattern isn't helping matters either.  The last significant one to hit Singapore, the first year of our arrival, and I remember looking up Oxley Road and not being bale to see the Gurkha soldiers standing guard outside Lee Kuan Yew's residence.  No doubt they could see me as I made my journey from Oxley Mansions to Lloyd Road but the air was so thick with pollutants that I felt sorry for them having to stand in the smog.

So while Singapore may have been named "healthiest country" by Bloomberg, I wonder if any of their media people ever visited country during the 'hazy days'?  They might have formed a slightly different opinion or at the very least, broadened their criteria.

Related articles

• Gurkhas are replaceable
• Singapore named healthiest country
• El Nino lurks, limited impact on Australia likely

Systemic Failures

We have been experiencing very strong winds these past few days, or to put it more precisely, equinoxal gales.

As a result of these events our newly installed clothesline has developed the unpleasant habit of lifting like a jet foil, disengaging its support arm and lowering itself against the fence.  Ours is not called the Supafold for nothing!

While this is technically not supposed to be able to happen it has done so nevertheless, the last time coming down on my wife's shoulder and leaving quite a graze.

The Hills clothesline has been the dominant brand in New Zealand for many years but in recent times the solid steel has been replaced by a much lighter weight of metal and there has also been a significant increase in the amount of plastic used.  This means that the frames are no longer rigid and flex alarmingly.

It doesn't help that these lines are no longer manufactured in Australia as, with most products nowadays, they bear a stamp "made in China".

Today the clothesline installer paid us a visit, the obligatory half an hour late as all New Zealand tradesmen seem to be.  

He was clearly skeptical that the wind would actually blow a clothesline down but after we had introduced to our neighbour whose wife had been cracked on the head in a similar rig malfunction, he got the message.

We shall be replacing our retractable support arms with the fixed variety.

During the course of our conversation it transpired that the installer had lived in Bali for several years before returning to New Zealand.  The topic of Indonesia inevitably led to comments on the rife corruption in that country.

I was also reminded how Singapore is experiencing yet another serious cloud of haze pollution from Sumatra, as bad as that which we endured in 2006.

Despite all of the previous promises by the Indonesian government, expensive dinners and friendly ASEAN handshakes the reality is that Indonesia goes its own sweet way, burning off land whenever it feels like it.

Neignbourly considerations do not enter into the Indonesian equation and money given by Singapore in the past to monitor haze and educate farmers has made little or no difference.  I would suggest that the majority of farmers probably never even saw a dollar of the aid money.

Related articles

• Sumatra fires cause Singapore haze (bbc.co.uk)
• Health warning over Sumatra fires (bbc.co.uk)
• Singapore presses Indonesia to act on forest fires (newsinfo.inquirer.net)

A Most Beautiful Home?

"Let’s make our world the most beautiful home
Where everyone can live and breathe and they can easily roam"

or so says the lyrics of this song which is currently being hammered on Singaporean television.

There is a sad irony about "live and breathe" with the haze continuing and the current state visit of the Indonesian President; whose country is responsible for polluting the lungs of everyone living in Singapore.

My past week has been punctuated by the frightening reality of an antivirus software turned bad. My McAfee antivirus software (which I downloaded from our work network at the behest of our IT department) decided to misbehave.

The result being that I could not access my PC for a day or two. At moments like this one realises just how reliant we have become on technology - checking the weather, the condo prices, the exchange rates...

Thankfully we have some excellent IT technicians at work and one of them was able to correct matters.

I am also without a passport at the moment and therefore confined to Singapore for the duration. There is nothing untoward about this, as I have sent it back for renewal through our local High Commission. The process as I understand it takes a month?

Renewing a passport is an exercise in stepping back in time. Looking at the passport photos in old travel documents graphically documents the deterioration of man. No passport image is ever flattering and it is cold comfort to realise that they get progressively worse over time.

Perhaps it's a case of beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

The Bluest Skies You Ever See Are In Toh Payoh

Well hardly....!

Even though this song verse describes Seattle rather than Singapore I had hoped it might apply, but is not to be.

By the time I came to leave work this evening the haze had almost reached the levels we experienced three years ago.

Visibility from our condo window (above) is getting worse by the minute even though the official PSI Index seems to indicate the problem is 'moderate' 53 reading over the 24 hours.

I suspect that the next 24 hours will have a totally different reading and we can taste the smoke in the air. So much for Indonesian cooperation in combating burn-offs!

Jackie's Gift & Purple Haze

When Jimmy Hendrix wrote Purple Haze I am sure he had Singapore in mind. We have been mercifully free from this form of pollution in recent months, but over the past two weeks the smudged ring around the sun has signalled the return of the haze.

I have written about this problem before so will not burden the reader with another rendition. Suffice to say, the Indonesians take the money and run. They gladly accept foreign aid to tackle the problem of their farmers and plantation companies having massive burn-offs of vegetation but very little progress is made in actually combating this problem.

Jackie Chan is well known to movie fans around the world for his action films. He is a man with an interesting life story and I remember reading his biography when I first came to Singapore. While not a native of this country he has a huge following here, as well as in Hong Kong and China. Jackie in turn really enjoys Singapore and has significant property investments here. This week has made the country a very generous donation of heritage houses which he has stored in a Hong Kong warehouse and they are purportedly worth more than $S100 million.

The gift hasn't gone down well with the Hong Kong'ers (or "honkies" as they often referred to in Singapore) who perceive Singapore as having taken what should be rightfully their's to display.

This is a wonderful gift to the new university that the government is planning to open here, ironically on the very site of the failed UNSW Asia campus in Changi. Coming as I did to Singapore in 2006 to work for this defunct operation (which turned out to be a great Australian con job), I am delighted to see that the new university will have Jackie's heritage gift at its cultural heart.

As for those too young to know Hendrix, here is a video of the guitar maestro in action. But why oh why did we wear those terrible military uniform cast-offs back then!