Somnolent Singaporeans & High Tech Dogs

The narcissist fantasy that is the 'selfie' took another blow recently; quite literally.  The blow in question followed a fall off a two metre cliff and death by drowning for a non-swimming Singaporean.

According to Channel News Asia the ill-fated Mohamed Aslam tried to take a selfie on a Balinese cliff and lost his footing after being hit by a wave.

Much as I love my photography, the site of groups and individuals forcing their way into the limelight with upraised smartphones leaves me cold.  And I suspect their joy is transitory as there is not real visual dissection of the scene that surrounds them - just group, point, click and move away.

So prevalent have selfies become that the inventor of the 'selfie stick' must have made a fortune. These invasive rods are a danger to objects and people around them; most museums in the world have quickly moved to ban them.

Photo: Straights Times

All this selfie taking and smart phone fiddling is also bad for the health.  A global research company has found that less than 20% of Singaporeans get the required 8 hours of sleep required to stay healthy.

A thousand people between the ages of twenty and fifty nine were surveyed and half of the student cohort slept badly because their brains were still buzzing from using their smartphones or tablets before going to sleep. What ever happened to the glass of warm milk and a good book before bed?

Singapore is described "as the third most sleep-deprived city in the world" with two other Asian cities, Seoul and Tokyo taking the dubious honour of ranking first and second.  The soporific Aussies in Melbourne fared much better, being identified as the best rested.

Not that technology alone makes for snoring MRT passengers.  Work stress, the lack of a good bolster and the oppressive heat of Singapore all contributed to less than happy slumbers.

Not only are we hell-bent on damaging our health through over stimulation of our brains, we are now inflicting pervasive technology on our pets.  But in the case of the Dogtelligent Connected Collar your pooch now can experience the joys of "virtual fence and leash technology that gently tugs, activity trackers, GPS, WiFi, Bluetooth, ambient temperature sensors, and an ultrasonic micro-speaker to correct barking".

Let's just hope there are no severe electrical storms around when you decide to take your dog 'walkies'.  If there are we are a likely to get a new definition for the term 'hot dog'.

Actually when I think about it, these same collars may have great potential when applied to human commuters on the MRT.  Sleepwalking to work could be achieved with ease.

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Lazy, Hazy, Days in Singapore

Lianhe Zaobao readers were asked to sum up 2013 in a Chinese character.  According to reports, "Haze" was the winner; no surprises there!

So in honour of this revelation, here's a new T-Shirt design.

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A Singaporean Superhero?

Ever wondered about the possibilities of a superhero dying of heatstroke?

That was my first thought when I saw the video of this guy masquerading as caped crusader.  One can hardly term the "Mean Streets of Singapore" as such, because they simply aren't.  On a scale of one to ten with say Rio being a perfect ten of meanness, Singapore would come in at -1!


And while I am all in favour of people being courteous at all times, I am not convinced that prancing around in a tight-fitting costume that resembles a knock-off of the Singapore flag is the way to do it?

Mr "Justice" as he titles himself, is apparently 21 years old and hails from Choa Chu Kang.  Shouldn't he be in gainful employment at this age, or perhaps he is engaged by the government to conduct an official courtesy campaign?

His message is in reality a cosplay updating of the old song "Don't Worry Be Happy".  No harm in that I suppose.  The 'worry' is that he will one day soon expire on Orchard Road for heat asphyxia, brought on by tight clothing and the noon day sun.

Introducing The Hello Haze Doll

Consumers line up to get their paws on a Hello Kitty character toy in a skeleton outfit. Source: AFP-JIJI

I am always slightly bemused by the Singaporean passion for the latest craze.  Whether it be the latest mobile device or a range of doughnuts, people will queue for hours just get their hands on the merchandise.

So it is now with a faceless stuffed toy taking their fancy.  I am referring to the ubiquitous and asexual Hello Kitty stuffed toy which McDonalds is selling along with its flaccid burgers.  Apparently these dolls are themed around fairy tales; so even the creative context of the toys comes from other sources.  An excellent example of marketing hype over substance.

Reuters reports that is a black Hello Kitty with a white skeleton and pink bow, based on a German tale called the "Singing Bone" that everyone one in line is fighting over.  Hundreds lined up for the midnight launch and before stocks ran out the police were called in to maintain law and order.

Not everyone succeeded in their quest to get their hands on the hello Kitty toy. McDonald's Facebook page recorded their frustrations.  One grandfather had hoped to get one for his young granddaughter but failed to do so.

"I am one unhappy grandfather! I had deliberately taken public transport in the haze to buy the 'Ugly Duckling'," he wrote, referring to hazardous levels of smog from Indonesian forest fires that recently wreathed Singapore before scattering.

"I tried 3 outlets without success."

While this speaks volumes of the devotion of a grandparent, why anyone would risk permanent lung damage for the sake of a plush toy  is beyond me.

Surely Singaporean toy manufacturers can come up with a local competitor that is more appropriate? I have in mind the 'Hello Haze Doll" based on Indonesian fairy tales of regional cooperation.

Just think of the toy accessories: the miniature face mask, the plastic portable respirator, a small phrase book of bahasa Indonesia excuses -  the list of possibilities is endless.

Maybe readers can suggest the names for these dolls?  Let me start the ball rolling.

First off the assembly line would be the "Wheezing Wilma" doll, a consumptive toy with a mechanical mechanism that emits a repetitive coughing sound.

Send me your ideas for this unique range of plush toys - I think we are on to a winner!

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It always used to amaze me that seamlessly placid Singaporeans could be transformed into 'ranting emptor' when disputing the contents of a Singtel account or service.

I must confess to have had a few such similar occasions when we first arrived in Singapore. But we were fortunate in that we came across one senior manager who went out of his way to assist us; and continued to do so over the years whenever we had a problem.

What A Pack Of Dicks!

If there is one thing I enjoy about the Aussie culture it is their irreverence and preparedness to poke fun at one another.

For this coming Australia Day one their most iconic entrepreneurs, Dick Smith, produced a tongue-in-cheek video. Here it is.


It all seems a fairly innocuous, albeit full of innuendo, piece of humour. Quite amazingly the Ozzie media censorship board (Commercial Advice Board to be exact) has given it a rating that makes it unsuitable to screen in prime time; talk about political correctness!

Not surprisingly Dick Smith is irate and is seriously considering legal action. The irony is of course, that as result of this P.C. action, the ad will get a lot more exposure through the digital world than it ever would have in a few slots associated with a national news programme.

Perhaps the last word should go to Dick himself who has said,

"I think it's harmless, it's good fun and these people should reverse their decision and on Australia Day let me run the damn thing. They're talking about beeping it out and I said 'No'".

I have to agree as a little humour goes a long way and long may it remain so.

I've Just Had A Mint Moment!

Apparently the post-coital cigarette has been replaced by the pre-coital mint in Singapore. A tongue in cheek (and I use this pun in the figurative sense, not the literal) has seen a mint confectionery company promote the idea of increasing one's family size on the night of National Day.

Appalled by the prospect of a plummeting birth rate the government has for many years been trying to coerce the population to breed; so far with little success.  Whether a sugar shot will add to the national libido has yet to be seen but it certainly added spice to National Day!

In honour of this innovative advertising promotion I felt  the very least I could was to come up with a range of congratulatory buttons, magnets and to top off the celebrations (an even worse pun!), a beer stein.

Click on any of the images below to go through to the products in question.

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Yes Coke Yes

Cocoa Cola has been noticeable for its clever choice of marketing slogans to promote its sales to target markets.  In 1886 the text was simple, "Drink Coca Cola".

By 1924 this had turned into "Refresh Yourself" and in the year of my birth it was "Where there's Coke there's hospitality".

Each year they trot out a new slogan and the current one is (believe it or not) "Life Begins Here".

Now this piece of information is clearly something that a substantial proportion of Singaporeans are not aware of. According to Today Online, 3% of the population copulate in the profound belief that washing their genitals with Coca Cola will prevent pregnancy.

Presumably this application happens before rather than after, giving new meaning to the expression "putting some fizz into your sex life".

I can just see the Cocoa Cola advertising gurus in the USA adopting this slogan for their 2012 campaign.

There are regional variations of the company's slogans as well. In 1980's Japan (a country not always known for its rigid translation of English) the thought of the day was "Yes Coke Yes", which seems strangely in context with the current Singaporean situation.

Mind you, another 3% from the Republic believes that "staying upside down for two hours" after sex has the same effect as Coke.

So I look forward seeing what rival Pepsi come up with. " The cola that makes you stand on your head" perhaps?

You might also think that given Singapore's push (and I use this word advisedly) to increase its population, the government would not worried by this misplaced belief in home-spun contraception.  Not so, there is a more serious side, the rising incidence of sexually transmitted diseases and abortions in the country.